Daughter of the Legendary Sucker and Ero-Sennin
by PixelGMS
Summary: 'Hey, Tsuru, why do you hate the Sannin so much' Naruto asked. 'One's an infamous Nuke-nin who experiments on children, another is a super-pervert, and the last abandoned Konoha because she couldn't handle grief,' I lied. I hated Orochimaru for what he would do to Sasuke and I hated Tsunade and Jiraiya for abandoning me. Self-Insert SI!OMC as Jiraiya & Tsunade's daughter. On Hiatus
1. Prologue - Death and Rebirth

Prologue Start

プロローグ開始

-x-=X=-x-

First Person PoV Main Character

I was 16 when I died and everything started.

Hmm? That came out wrong? I was sure I made my point clearly.

Yes, I did! Everything started when I died at the age of sixteen!

How, you probably ask. Well, if Hagoromo-jiisama did as I asked, this was uploaded as a Naruto FanFiction in my original birth world. You have three guesses as to how, and the first two don't count.

Yes! I self-inserted! Or reincarnated. Either way really.

Thinking that this is an actual FanFiction and not a nonfictional autobiography, you might curiously ask yourself, 'how?'

Did I piss off a random ROB?

Did I die by Truck-kun?

Did God accidentally strike me down with the Master Bolt and reincarnate me in the Elemental Nations as apology?

Did I piss off God and he reincarnated me into the Elemental Nations as a punishment?

Did I die saving my fellow high schoolers from a school shooting?

Did a random ROB decide to reincarnate me for entertainment?

Did the Sage of Six Paths decide to take my soul in order to help Naruto save the world?  
Did I get the Gamer ability upon death and chose to be reborn into the Elemental Nations?

No, nothing so cliche as that!

I had been daydreaming and I decided that no religion made sense. Then I remembered how in Percy Jackson and the Olympians, The Lightning Thief, one of the characters mentioned that the afterlife appeared like whatever you thought it would. Or maybe believed it would, or hoped it would.

I thought, 'Maybe that's what the Afterlife _is_ like.'

Apparently, I was the first soul on my planet to figure that out, or even guess this, that wasn't also a previously reincarnated soul.

Apparently, this is grounds for Kami-sama herself to kill me off _intentionally_ in order to congratulate me.

Needless to say, I wasn't amused.

"So you killed me since I _guessed_ that the afterlife was just whatever one believed it would be _without even truly believing in it_?" I had asked, incredulous. Even if she was more gorgeous than any teenage girl -if only in appearance- I'd ever laid my eyes on, digital or real, I _would not_ forgive her for killing me for such a stupid reason.

"W-ow," She drawled out, her voice completely dry, "Aren't you a grateful mortal. I gave you the chance to meet Kami-sama herself and you respond with an accusation," I swear I heard a 'Tch, stupid mortal. I'll show you-'

I ignored that.

Oh, how I'd regret that.

"You killed me," I stated. "Mortals, or at least humans, tend to _not_ want to die before they reach the end of their second decade."

She didn't seem to understand.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Alright, this isn't going anywhere," I clap my hands together, "Is there anything else, or are you going to shunt me off into eternal blackness since my belief in the afterlife is a paradox." Since the afterlife is whatever you believe it to be, and I believe it to be whatever I believe it to be, the afterlife would be whatever I believe it to be, which is whatever I believe it to be, etcetera.

She blinked twice, "No, for people like you I choose whatever you _hope_ the afterlife is like. Which is being reincarnated to a place of your choice with your memories intact and a few special abilities." She tosses a tablet to me, "You have thirty earth minutes. I have to deal with some RAOBs skirting on my turf. Those almost-omnipotents think they're so tough…" The last part was said in a low mutter.

I looked at the tablet. First thing I had to choose was the universe I wanted to be reincarnated in.

The list includes One Piece, Fairy Tail, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Bleach, Ranma ½, Detective Conan, Sword Art Online, Log Horizon, Fullmetal Alchemist, Charlotte, [A/N: Charlotte is a superpower anime] Boku no Hero Academia, Familiar of Zero, FullMetal Alchemist, Accel World, Naruto, Re:Zero, My Youth Romantic Comedy is Wrong as Expected, Fablehaven, Ender's Game, and Yaoshenji (Tales of Demons and Gods).

All stories I've read or watched before.

I quickly chose Naruto. Why would I choose the one which would guarantee that I'd have the hardest life out of all the stories, with the exception of Yaoshenji?

I didn't want to become a cowardly civilian with little more motivation than to get into a good college and getting a job I won't hate. Out of all the choices, the only choices that had a somewhat decent chance of motivating me to train before the story even starts were Bleach, Ranma ½, Re:Zero, Ender's Game, Yaoshenji, and -you guessed it- Naruto.

Bleach was too insane to even seriously consider _willingly_ reincarnating into. Ranma ½ could involve me turning into anything from a girl to an infant Cthulhu. If I reincarnated into Re:Zero I could possibly be forced to live my final moments in a time loop. I don't think I'm smart enough to be of any use in Ender's Game. Heck, I think Ender was smarter than me at age six. Yaoshenji is basically a fix-it story, but I'd have to live through the original timeline, even if I don't end up remembering it before the good timeline occurred. Assuming it did occur. I could accidentally stop Nie Lie from getting the relic that allowed him to time travel.

Then there's Naruto. While I _would_ be forced to murder, I would have the chance to learn super awesome Ninjutsu, Fuinjutsu, Kenjutsu, Taijutsu, and other ninja arts. More importantly, it would be a wake-up check to me. I was smart. I knew I was naive. On an intellectual level, I knew people could be scumbags. I knew there were Danzos and Orochimarus. But if I was faced with such inhumanity I would be stunned by it. Most importantly, I knew I didn't know the meaning of hard work. Not even intellectually.

Assuming that every time I died I came back here and got to reincarnate again, I need a wake-up call _now_. I can't live the rest of eternity naive and lazy.

I chose to ignore the possibility that being forced to do nothing but cry, sleep, and eat for over a year might make me more hard working without being forced into a world where you either work hard or die.

So, I finally chose the world of Naruto.

Then I had to choose the location and time.

I obviously chose Konohagakure no Sato in Hi no Kuni. Almost everyone important was either there or from there. Not to mention Maito Gai is there. He might be able to help with my laziness problem.

I shudder at the thought, but if I can't get myself to be hardworking, I _will_ resort to that.

For the time I chose a month before the Kyuubi attack, September 10th.

Next was my clan. There were Civilian, Uzumaki, Uchiha, Hyuga, Inuzuka, Aburame, Yamanaka, Nara, Akimichi, Hatake, Sarutobi, Shimura (I'd sooner reincarnate myself in a world where MPreg was a real thing than to be reborn related to Danzo *Shudder spasmodically*), Kurama, and Senju. I quickly narrowed it down to Uzumaki, Uchiha, Hyuga, Aburame, Sarutobi, and Senju. Not Uzumaki, I don't want to be a Jinchuuriki, and I definitely don't want to _be_ Naruto. While the Kyuubi attack in Canon was October 10th, Kushina was the only Uzumaki in Konoha, so that might make it so she has a premature birth. Everyone would be less prepared and more people would die. I don't want to end up with the Caged Bird Seal, so not Hyuga. I'd prefer not to have bugs inside me, so not Aburame. I know nothing about the Sarutobi, so not them. And I don't want to be murdered before I reach age 8, so not an Uchiha. That left Senju.

I pray my father isn't Jiraiya. People would automatically assume I'm a super pervert. Like father like son and all.

That left blessings.

It seemed I was allowed to take two minor and one major blessing.

After a skim of the minor blessings -I only have five more minutes- I decided to take the Minor Blessing of the Child, and the Minor Blessing of the Mind Fortress. The Minor Blessing of the Child would give me the mental flexibility of a child while still allowing brain development, make me act and think like a child (during childhood) when it isn't a serious situation, and suppress any embarrassment during my infant life so I can get used to the life of a child without trauma. The Minor Blessing of the Mind Fortress would make me immune to any attacks on my mind unless I allowed them to enter or affect me. It would also increase my mind's storage space, memory recall, memorization, processing speed, and reflexes. The downside to this is that it would make it hard for me to learn genjutsu.

The major blessing I had chosen was the Major Blessing of Youth. This blessing would make it much easier to motivate me, and much harder to lose my motivation. It would also make me stubborn. While seemingly minor, Might Gai became one of the strongest Ninja in Hi no Kuni with his determination.

Not a second after I clicked confirm on the bottom of the tablet did Kami-sama appeared behind me and shouted, "Times up!" right in my ear.

"Now, before I reincarnate you, do you have any questions?" She asked.

I thought for a second, and nodded to myself, "When I die again will I reincarnate again?"

"As long as you wish to. After all, I decided on what your afterlife would be from your hopes on what the afterlife would be," She answered.

"Are the mechanics of the afterlife in the Naruto world the same as the ones on Earth?"

"Of course! I do manage all death in the Multiverse after all," She then looked thoughtful for a second, "But some universes _do_ have their own afterlives. In which case after they fade from _that_ afterlife they come to this one."

That made sense. After all, Bleach was on the list of possible universes.

"Then I'm ready," I shrugged.

She had a devious, no, not devious, _evil_ smirk on her face.

"Have a nice life, Senju Tsuru, _daughter_ of Senju Tsunade and _Jiraiya_!"

I didn't even have enough time to curse before I found myself in a very dark, comforting, and _cramped_ place.

My first thought, rather than 'WTF' or 'TURN ME BACK INTO A GUY!' was ' _Please, let me be Lesbian! Or at least Bi!'_

-x-=X=-x-

Prologue End

プロローグエンド


	2. Chapter 1 - Early Years

Chapter 1 - Years 1 through 12

第1章 - 1年から12年

-x-=X=-x-

First person POV Senju Tsuru

Moving past what would have been trauma had I not had the Minor Blessing of the Child, I couldn't really see during the first two weeks of my life. You know, since I was a baby.

Thankfully that gave me a little over two weeks, at which point the Kyuubi would occur.

While my vision still wasn't very sharp, I was able to recognize the faces of people who were less than a foot away. During the two weeks only Mama (since she had a rock embedded in her forehead) and Kushina-obachan (since she had red hair) have held me within 8 inches. Jiraiya hasn't, probably doesn't even know I exist. Then again, if Kushina-obachan is here, then I'm probably in Konohagakure no Sato, so if Jiraiya doesn't know, he probably _will_ know.

As you can see, at this point, I had already grown used to the fact I was reborn. I had also gotten used to the fact, on an intellectual level, that I'm a girl. I _had_ had 9 months in the womb.

The Kyuubi Attack was… frightening to say the least. If I hadn't just gone, I'd likely to have crapped myself. As it is, I only pissed myself.

Which isn't actually saying much since I was a 1 month old.

That day felt like forever.

So did the following weeks.

It took my a month to realize Mama wasn't coming back.

I cried for five days straight.

On my fifth night I was put with another child, one I recognized.

Naruto.

He wasn't crying. He was grinning. Sure, he was only a baby, he didn't realize his parents were dead.

But I decided then and there…

I would never again cry out of grief or loss.

.

.

.

Whenever the caretakers tried to take me away from Naruto, I cried. Just to annoy them into giving me back to Naruto.

.

.

.

As Naruto and I grew up we became inseparable. Like siblings. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if everyone sans the Hokage, Kakashi, and Jiraiya thought the two of us were cousins.

Other than the blond hair, we didn't look that much alike. And even those were completely different. I had long dirty blonde hair, while Naruto had wild neon yellow hair.

I looked like a mini-Tsunade, while Naruto looks like a mini-Yondaime.

I thanked Kami-sama on occasion that I didn't look like Jiraiya. She might've made me a girl and all (which until puberty I didn't foresee myself having any problems with) but that's small compared to looking like Jiraiya.

.

.

.

When I was four I went to the library and took out a book on the Kyuubi attack.

Tsunade survived.

She recovered completely in less than a week, and after helping the Iryo-nin in the hospital, she left Konoha.

She fucking abandoned me!

I thought she'd fucking died or gone into a permanent coma or something!

' _I'll show her! I'll show her and my so called father! I'll become a better Iryo-nin, I'll become a better seal master, and I'll do all that while still being a front line fighter!_ ' I thought, ' _That'll make them regret abandoning me!'_

.

.

.

It was easy to convince Naruto to become a Shinobi. In fact, he agreed before I could even finish the first sentence of the explanation.

"Shinobi and Kunoichi are the only people who have enough power to protect their precious people in this w-"

"I'll do it! I'll become a Shinobi! I'll become the STRONGEST Shinobi!"

.

.

.

When we were five we were kicked out of the orphanage.

That didn't surprise me in the least.

We had been kicked out for about a week when we found Ichiraku's Ramen.

Ramen had been one of my favorite foods during my first life. Which is saying something since I'd only ever had cup ramen.

So, when I had _real_ Ramen, it felt like each taste bud in my mouth was in heaven.

""THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!"" Naruto and I shouted simultaneously.

After a few more bowls, Teuchi asked us our names.

"I'm Tsuru, and this is my brother Naruto," I answered.

Teuchi openly gawked for a few seconds, before he choked out, "I'll be right back."

He soon came back… with the Sandaime Hokage in tow.

"Ahh, you're Naruto and… Tsuru?" The Hokage asked, not a hint of recognition apparent on his face when he saw me.

"Hai, Hokage-sama." I nodded respectfully towards him. I might not like his way of handling Orochimaru, Tsunade, or the fact that the Kyuubi was sealed inside Naruto, but he was the leader of Konoha. He deserved respect, he _had_ lead us through the second and third Shinobi wars.

He looked a little surprised by the respect coming from a five year old.

"Before I ask why Hokage-sama came to visit two insignificant orphan kids, could I make a request?"

He nodded slowly, "Depends."

"Naruto and I would like to join the Shinobi Academy." Now he definitely looked surprised. Probably was there to invite Naruto and I to the Shinobi Academy in the first place.

"While normally during peacetime kids can only start going to the Academy at six, I think we can make an exception for two children who'd been kicked out of an orphanage." I chose to ignore the fact that he just stated something we'd neither told him nor Teuchi, "I'll even give you your own apartment!"

Naruto was about to shout in glee, but I stopped him, "And money? Is there a fund for orphans? Are we going to get a caretaker? We're five and the villagers, with the exception of Teuchi-san, hate us. How are we going to get food, with the exception of ramen, at a fair price?"

The Hokage looked appalled, "Of course they wouldn't do that! The villagers are go-"

I glared at him. I glared at the Sandaime Hokage. I still feel slightly weak kneed when I think about that. I was a child, and I glared at the Sandaime Hokage. The God of Shinobi. "How about you Henge into Naruto for the day and see just how _good_ Konoha's civilians are to us. They might be good in general, but they are _not_ good to us."

"I have paperwork to d-"

"Exactly. You are busy. I doubt you ever actually interact with your citizens with the exceptions of the ones who come to you."

' _I'm berating the God of Shinobi! What am I thinking!"_ I finally realized, "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean any of that!" I stuttered out then fell to me knees and curled up into a little ball, and quietly repeated, "I berated the Hokage. I berated the God of Shinobi! What was I thinking?" And variations.

Everyone, including Naruto, was gaping at me. For Teuchi and Naruto, this was completely out of character. To the Hokage, he'd never had a child have a panic attack out of fear that they offended him. Shinobi? Yes. Children? No. Not even obvious prodigy children like this one.

It took me five minutes before I was mostly composed again.

"I apologize Hokage-sama. Please, continue."

"Ahh, yes. Well, you will get money. As for caretakers, I'll send someone to check up on you on occasion."

.

.

.

And that person was Chunin Umino Iruka.

While he didn't _like_ Naruto, he had nothing against me, and at least pretended he had nothing against Naruto.

It only took a few visits for Iruka to stop disliking Naruto, and only a few more before he liked Naruto.

Ahh, the Therapy no Jutsu.

.

.

.

The first year of academy was just learning history and maths. Stuff I'd already learned, either in my previous life or by reading in the library.

I'd even already managed to teach the year's curriculum to Naruto. In less than a month.

We went to the Hokage-sama (I refused to call him Jiji. He was a war hero, he deserved respect!) for our occasional visit (that had started soon after we started the academy) and we explained our plight.

"There's still plenty in the curriculum," The Hokage argued, "There's unlocking your Chakra, leaf sticking, learning basic Taijutsu katas, and learning how to hold Kunai and Shuriken."

I then showed him the curriculum I'd gotten from Iruka-sensei and he shouted, "WHAAAT!"

There wasn't any Academy for the next two days, and after we had completely different teachers, with the exception of Iruka.

.

.

.

I decided to become friends with Sasuke.

He didn't want to be friends with 'a fangirl' like me, so I punched him in the face.

We became friends after that.

While I knew I couldn't do anything to stop the massacre, I could point out the signs that the Uchiha were planning to revolt.

The Military Police was becoming more brutal towards Non-Uchiha, the Uchiha were often muttering to each other, the Uchiha and Non-Uchiha were often seen glaring at each other.

I'd also started to practice tree walking by the Naka River.

.

.

.

I found Shisui in the river, still conscious, with one eye still there, and I dragged him to the shore.

"NO! Let me go!" Shisui shouted, and managed to look me in the eye to control me, but he failed, "Whaa?" I hit him on the back of the neck, knocking him out.

I dragged him to someplace where no one would find him if they weren't looking for him, and ran to the Konoha Hospital to fetch and Iryo-nin.

They managed to save Shisui's life, but by the time he was awake again, the Uchiha were already massacred.

.

.

.

Apparently a few days later Shisui had managed to kill himself, stating on a note next to him that his eye was to go to me, since I'd saved his life.

I was shocked. And while I didn't want someone else's eye in my head, I also knew that it would be a powerful tool. Even more so if it evolved into the Rinnesharingan.

.

.

.

Apparently Sasuke had been told about me receiving a Sharingan and how. He now saw me as a fellow Uchiha.

Now, not only was I Naruto's sister, but Sasuke's as well.

.

.

.

With the higher quality teaching that the Academy was doing, only 15 people were able to last until the last year in the Academy.

Five nameless civilians, Ino, Shikamaru, Choji, Hinata, Shino, Kiba, Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto, and I.

Everyone passed the initial exam.

.

.

.

I wasn't that surprised to find myself on a team with Naruto and Sasuke. When I told Naruto and Sasuke about how the Rookie of the Year was always put in the same team with the Dead Last and Kunoichi of the Year, Sasuke made sure he'd be the Rookie of the Year, Naruto made sure he'd be the Dead Last, and I made sure I'd be the Kunoichi of the Year.

Nor was I surprised to find the three of us on a team with Kakashi.

-x-=X=-x-

Chapter 1 End

第1章終わり


	3. Interlude - Team Seven's Genin Stats

Interlude - Genin Stats

インターラード - 低忍者の統計

-x-=X=-x-

Classified [A-Rank]

[Iruka's Notes - This is the official record for their stats, information may not be completely accurate.]

No Name Tsuru

Ninjutsu - 3

Taijutsu - 2.5

Genjutsu - 1.5 (w/ Sharingan, 1 w/out)

Intelligence - 4.5

Judgment - 3.5 (No tests have been done under life or death pressure)

Strength - 3

Speed - 3

Stamina - 3

Hand Seals - 4

Fuinjutsu - 2.5

Kenjutsu / Weapon Jutsu - 1.5

Shurikenjutsu - 2

Other skills - 2.5 (Mainly medical)

Chakra - 3.5 [A/N: Jounin level]

Chakra Control - 4.5 (Nearly perfect)

Total /75 - 44.5

[Iruka's Notes - Tsuru is very skilled when it comes to finding and dispelling genjutsu, but seems to lack any talent with casting them, even with her Sharingan. She is a definite prodigy, possibly the best since Copycat Kakashi. Her specialization, despite the numbers, is not Ninjutsu. She, in fact, only learned the Academy Three by herself, and copied the rest while spying on Shinobi, or so she's told me. Her specializations are in Iryo-Jutsu, Fuinjutsu, and Taijutsu, with a sub-specialization in Ninjutsu.

While she does usually act like a child, her intelligence is beyond any I've ever seen in a child, even Nara, and when serious, she acts, behaves, and thinks like an adult.

Her only problem (other than Genjutsu) is Shurikenjutsu. She seems to only be average at it, but this may be due to not working on it often.

Outside of her skills, she has a couple friends. She is especially close to Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke. Other friends include Nara Shikamaru, who she likes to play Shogi and Go with, Haruno Sakura, who she likes to discuss Iryo-Jutsu and poisons with, Aburame Shino, Tsuru doesn't seem to show any disgust or fear towards the Aburame Kikaichu, Hyuuga Hinata, who Tsuru seems to have a crush on (though if asked she would deny it), Rock Lee, who shares her work ethic, and Higurashi Tenten, who seems to be the one who taught her Shurikenjutsu and how to hold a katana correctly.

She is definitely loyal to the village, shattering Mizuki's jaw with a single punch when it was revealed he was a traitor to the village, working for Orochimaru. While she does dislike each of the Sannin (some more than others) she has given good reasons. Orochimaru is a nuke-nin, Tsunade abandoned the village during a war, and Jiraiya is a super-pervert. Though she has also stated that she had a grudging respect for 'Ero-sennin.'

With her chakra reserves, it seems unlikely that she is truly a civilian orphan child, so I would suggest a blood test.

She is Mid to High Chunin level and is only lacking in experience.

For her sensei, I recommend Copy-nin Kakashi.]

Uzumaki Naruto

Ninjutsu - 2.5

Taijutsu - 2

Genjutsu - 1

Intelligence - 2

Judgment - 1.5 (He is good at improvising)

Strength - 2.5

Speed - 2.5

Stamina - 4.5

Hand Seals - 2

Fuinjutsu - 2

Kenjutsu / Weapon Jutsu - 1

Shurikenjutsu - 2.5

Other skills - 5 (Stealth & trapping)

Chakra - 4.5 (W/out _that_ Chakra)

Chakra Control - 1.5

Total /75 - 37

[Iruka's Notes: … Ninjutsu specialist… Sub-specialization Taijutsu… Needs work on dispelling Genjutsu… Needs work on Chakra Control… Has Kage level Chakra Reserves… Could out stealth the Anbu… Short and low reach, should learn Kenjutsu or similar… Purposely scored dead-last… Low to Mid Chunin level. Needs experience, strategy, leadership skills, and better judgment to become a good Chuunin. I suggest his sensei be Copy-Nin Kakashi.]

Uchiha Sasuke

Ninjutsu - 3

Taijutsu - 2.5

Genjutsu - 2.5

Intelligence - 2.5

Judgment - 2.5

Strength - 2.5

Speed - 3.5

Stamina - 2.5

Hand Seals - 3

Fuinjutsu - 1

Kenjutsu / Weapon Jutsu - 2

Shurikenjutsu - 3

Other skills - 2 (Tracking & Capture)

Chakra - 2.5 [A/N: High Chunin level]

Chakra Control - 2

Total /60 - 36

[Iruka's Notes: … Ninjutsu specialist… sub-specializations in Taijutsu and Genjutsu… angst-filled… needs work on Chakra Control and Judgement… Low to Mid Chunin levels… Needs experience, strategy, leadership skills, and better judgment to be ready for Chunin… I suggest Copy-Nin Kakashi for his Sensei.]

-x-=X=-x-

Interlude End

終わりの終わり


	4. Chapter 2 - Team 7 (Fixed)

[A/N: For the eventual pairing I'm thinking Tsuru x Haku. When I was thinking about the pairing yesterday, I'd originally thought Tsuru x Hinata, Neji, Shino, or Ino, but then I remembered Androgenous Haku. Perfect for a Bisexual, or at least I'd think. Logically, since I'm not about to make any characters futanari, an androgynous gender ambiguous character would be best. Of course, this won't be until Shippuden. I want Tsuru to angst and stress over her bisexuality and crushes on Hinata and someone else. And no, I'm not gonna have a harem with characters of both genders. ]

[A/N: I'm also going to explain why Tsuru doesn't have her Sharingan eye covered despite having an implanted Sharingan next chapter.]

[A/N: I apologize that I originally posted this chapter in code. That sometimes happens since I write in a font.]

Everything is owned by Kishimoto except for Tsuru. Many of Kakashi's lines, and some of Naruto's, are direct quotes from the Naruto manga, and are owned by Kishimoto.

Chapter 2 - Team Seven Introductions

第2章 - チーム7の紹介

-x-=X=-x-

"Why are we the only cell whose teacher hasn't shown up yet?" Naruto grumbled to himself as he looked out the door.

"Patience, young toad, for fate favors those who slow down and think," I said in a sage-like tone, making Naruto snort.

"What the hell is that? And you told me that fate's a load of bullcrap!"

"I was trying to sound wise," I replied, "And people who seem wise are often fatalistic fools." [A/N: Fatalistic in the sense of Fate not Fatal. Fatal historically comes from Fate, as it's the one fate we all share.]

After another few moments of waiting in silence, with Naruto reading a book on Fuinjutsu (which I started him on a couple months ago), Sasuke reading a book on the dissembling of traps, and me reading a book on Iryo-Jutsu, Naruto asked, "Isn't a young toad called a tadpole?"

I blinked twice, "I think so."

After another hour of reading, I growled to myself, "Why did we have to get Hatake Kakashi for our Sensei?"

That got the attention of my two teammates.

"What do you mean?" Naruto asked, Sasuke looking on curiously, though trying to hide it.

"He's the only Jonin that would ever be late by more than a few minutes. I've heard he's late to anything less important than a B-rank mission. Which thankfully, seeing as how we're all High C-rank to low B-rank ninja, won't be all that much," I informed them, then after a few more minutes, I added, "He also has a legally implanted Sharingan, is an Elite-Jounin, a high A-rank ninja, and was a member of the previous Team Seven under the tutelage of Namikaze Minato-sama, the Yondaime Hokage."

My two brothers in all but blood (though I supposed Naruto was like a second-cousin or something) were openly gawking at me. Or Naruto was, Sasuke's eyes were wide open and his mouth slightly so. But to a full-blooded Uchiha, that was gawking.

After another hour of waiting, Naruto decided to set up a complex trap for Kakashi. Using seals and years of training his trapping skills.

This trap would make anyone under A-rank turn into Naruto's Sexy Jutsu form (Which made me thankful I chose the Blessing of the Mind Fortress, for it allowed me to not get a nosebleed from looking at it) except tailored for their genetics. So we'd be seeing a naked female Kakashi.

Damn, I'm not sure if the Blessing of the Mind Fortress will be enough to stem the nosebleed I'll get from that.

I half-heartedly attempted to stop Naruto but failed.

So, when five minutes later the door finally opened, we were all staring at a naked Hatake Kakashi. A naked male Hatake Kakashi.

Naruto and Sasuke immediately turned away, Naruto retching and Sasuke attempting to claw his eyes out.

My eyes went south and I saw it.

My nosebleed flung me across the room.

Before I fell into unconsciousness from blood loss, I noticed that Kakashi still somehow had his mask on.

.

.

.

A few minutes later I woke up, finding myself on the roof.

Naruto was hung upside down from one of the many trees on the school's roof.

It was Konoha, what did you expect? A cement roof?

Sasuke, as well as the upside down Naruto, still looked nauseous.

When I remembered why I was unconscious, I went bright red.

'Ugh, you'd think having had one of those for 16 years would've given me some resistance to it now that I swing both ways. Sadly, twelve years of not seeing any of them other than Naruto's in the bath has seemingly chipped away at my resistance.' I thought, 'Why couldn't I have just been born liking one gender?'

Grunting as I stood up, and pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind, I yawned, "So, introductions?"

The look Sensei gave me was even more deadpan and lazy looking than usual. At least from what I remembered.

"I guess I'll start," I continued, "I'm Tsuru, I specialize in Iryo-Jutsu, Fuinjutsu, and Taijutsu, with a sub-specialization in Ninjutsu."

Following my example, Naruto went next, "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and I specialize in Ninjutsu, trapping, stealth, disguise, with a subspecialization in Taijutsu and Fuinjutsu."

And lastly Sasuke, "I'm Uchiha Sasuke, and I specialize in Ninjutsu with a sub-specialization in Taijutsu, Genjutsu, trapping, capture, and Shurikenjutsu. I'm also learning Kenjutsu."

He somehow managed to deadpan further. How he can express so much with a single eye, I will never know. Well, unless I learn how to do that.

"That isn't what I meant," I rose an eyebrow at him, "Fine. I'm Hatake Kakashi, I'm the type of person who doesn't like to talk about his likes and dislikes, my dreams for the future are none of your business, and I have a lot of hobbies."

Naruto and I rolled our eyes, Sasuke just gave him a deadpan look.

This time Naruto decided to go first, "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, I like Ramen, the color orange, my sister Tsuru-chan, and Iruka-sensei, especially when he comes to Tsuru-chan and I's apartment to make us some food! I don't like the three minutes it takes to make cup Ramen, people thinking a scroll in a kunai because it has a kunai in it," He got a weird look from Sasuke when he said this, "bigots, fat-fata-" Naruto struggled to get the word out.

"Fatalists," I inserted helpfully, getting a small smile from Naruto.

"Fatalists, and traitors. My dream is to become the strongest Shinobi so I can protect my precious people. So I'm gonna become the Jonin commander!"

I nearly choked on my own spit when he said this. While I had been confused about him not constantly shouting out his dream to become Hokage, I thought it was just that he had someone to acknowledge him. Now he wanted to become Jonin commander instead…

"Naruto-kun, you do realize that the strongest Shinobi is the Hokage, not Jonin Commander, right?" I asked, knowing that while he was smarter than he was back when Naruto was just a manga, he still wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, and therefore might have overlooked that fact.

"But then you'll always be extremely respectful to me! Calling me Uzumaki-sama or something!" Naruto spat back, "Besides, Jiji is always doing paperwork. Who'd want to inherit that!"

"You have shadow clones," I pointed out, "You could just have them do it all for you," Sensei was gawking as if he'd never thought of doing that. Or maybe because he didn't know Naruto knew the jutsu, "Also, we're family and I've known you since we were infants. I'd never call you something you didn't want me to for anything other than a joke or mission." After a few seconds, I added, "And the Jonin commander probably has a lot of paperwork too."

Naruto pouted, "Why can't I be both? I mean, it would probably be a lot easier for me to become Hokage if I was the Jonin Commander."

I conceded. He had a good point.

"My hobbies include training, spending time with Tsuru and Sasuke-teme, pranking, and practical jokes."

Sasuke went next, "I'm Uchiha Sasuke, I like Tomatoes and my sister, Tsuru. I hate traitors, sycophants, dango, and the council. I don't have any dreams, more of an ambition. I will capture my brother and bring him back to Konohagakure so he can face justice for his crimes. I also wish to revive my clan. My hobbies include training and spending time with Tsuru and the dobe."

That was also rather shocking. He didn't want to kill Itachi, just capture him. And he hated traitors. Good. That's good. He's even less likely than I thought to join Orochimaru's Village Hidden in the Sound.

And finally, it was my turn.

"I'm Tsuru, sister to Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun here, and my likes include training, my friends and family, Ramen, Iryo-Jutsu, healing, poisons, Fuinjutsu, Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, Chakra Control, and similar. My dislikes and hates include people who abandon their family or friends, perverts, people who abandon the village, people who hurt children, Nuke-nin, traitors, and lazy bums. My hobbies include training, spending time with my friends, spending time with my brothers, talking with Hokage-sama, studying, and reading. I really like reading. I think I'm understating this a little. I REALLY like reading. Oh, I also like writing. My dream? Well," I started, and gave a dramatic pause, shifting into a thinking pose, "Well, I don't really have one," Another dramatic pause, "A dream implies that it's uncertain. I will become a better seal master than Jiraiya-sama, I will become a better Iryo-nin than Tsunade-sama, I will become an S-Rank kunoichi that fights in the front lines, and I will help bring an era of peace among the Elemental Nations." My eyes burned with a fiery passion. If Kakashi doubted my loyalty to Konoha before for some reason, it was swiftly erased with this show of passion.

That didn't stop him from snorting at my ambition to bring an era of peace to the elemental nations.

That earned him a scowl. One that would put even Tsunade to shame. Not that he'd ever say that. He didn't want to be punched through a wall.

As it is, I read his thoughts and punched him in the head, knocking him headfirst into the floor.

'Strong.' He noticed, 'Probably stronger than Tsunade was at her age,' He'd rate her a 3 / 5, which was insane for a genin, and decent even for a Jonin. Heck, he's only a 3.5!

"Enough," Kakashi stated, toneless, as he stood up, acting as if nothing had happened. "I believed we each understand one another. Formal training begins tomorrow. Our first project involves only the members of this cell." Pause.

After a few seconds, Naruto got impatient, "What is it? What!"

"Survival Exercises." Dramatic pause. "You'll have to survive… against me. It won't be your typical practice, even by the reformed academy standards."

"Well, then what type of practice will it be?!" Naruto asked, annoyed at our Sensei's beating around the bush.

Sensei snorted.

"Sensei, please get to the point. I understand you find amusement in scaring young genins, but we won't be scared so easily. So, get to the point already, or I'll punch you through a couple trees tomorrow."

Paling slightly, though no one could see with his mask on, he continued, "In any case, we'll meet tomorrow on the practice field so that I can evaluate each of your skills and weaknesses. Bring all of your ninja tools and weapons. And don't have breakfast beforehand, unless you enjoy throwing up!" He then handed us each a paper, "The details of your assignment are on this handout. Memorize it. And don't be late!" Each of us sweat dropped at that, because seriously what a hypocrite!

He then left in a puff of smoke.

"Eat breakfast but be on time. He'll likely be watching us to see the team dynamic."

"But Tsuru-chan! He ordered us not to eat!" Naruto countered, but when I raised my eyebrow at him, he facepalmed, "He only suggested we did. But still, he said we'd throw up if w-"

"Who's the Iryo-nin here?" I asked, glaring at him until he backed up in submission.

"You are Tsuru-chan."

-x-=X=-x-

Chapter Two End

第二章第二章


	5. Chapter 3 - Bell Test

Chapter Three - Bell Test

第3章 - ベルテスト

-x-=X=-x-

I arrived at Training Ground Seven at Eight in the morning, my two brothers already there.

After two hours, I suggested, "Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun, if Kakashi-sensei keeps doing this, we need to figure out what to do during this time."

Naruto and Sasuke both looked as if they hadn't thought of that if their slightly widened eyes were anything to go by, so I continued, "Maybe training? We'll be doing many D-ranks over the upcoming months, which will cut off a lot of time from our training schedules. The last thing we'd need is an extra three hours cut off as well."

Seemingly agreeing, the pair stood up and looked as if they were about to train, when I groaned, "Not now! We have our test and the last thing we need to be is exhausted for the test."

Kakashi arrived in another hour and eight minutes.

"Good morning team! I'm happy to see that Naruto-kun took my words to heart and didn't play another prank on me." The look he gave Naruto looked impossibly friendly (for an expression made up of only an eye) but with the killing intent emitted from him (though I could only sense it in the back of my mind, having the Blessing of the Mind Fortress and all) it seemed positively menacing.

Naruto was sweating like a civilian who'd just run the marathon.

Sasuke looked like he was going to hurl.

Meanwhile, I blushed at the memory of what Naruto's prank had done.

Before continuing, Kakashi spared me a confused look, "I've set this alarm clock," He started, taking an alarm clock out of a scroll and setting it on a stump, "to go off at noon," He then took out two small bells, "I have here two small bells. Your challenge is to steal these from me before the timer sounds. Anyone who fails won't get any lunch," He pointed at the tree stump with the clock on it, "Instead you will be tied to that tree stump while I eat lunch in front of you," He waited to hear our stomach growls, and then looked at me.

"What? I'm an aspiring Iryo-nin, did you expect me to let them not eat?" I snorted at the thought.

Ignoring me, he continued, "All you need is just one bell… apiece," He continued dramatically, "But since there aren't enough to go around, one of you is definitely headed for the stump… And whoever that is will be the first of you to fail. One of you is on your way back to school… and disgrace."

Deciding to break the ice, I asked, "Is this something we can expect from higher level nin? I mean, all this drama? Is it really necessary?" I then scoffed, "Next thing you know we'll be on a mission and see you and one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Bloody Mist have a dick measuring contest." Seeing Kakashi's look, I realized he thought I meant that literally. Probably because of yesterday. "Idiot," I growled, "Get your mind out the frickin' gutter. I meant figuratively! Like with Ninjutsu, or swords!"

Naruto was laughing at my expense, and Sasuke looked amused, so I guess I succeeded. On the other hand, my face was red and Kakashi looked exasperated.

"Ignoring Hentai-chan's… outburst, the three of you can use any weapon you wish, and you should attack with the intent to kill, as if you don't, you don't stand a chance."

Seeing three determined glares starting back at him, he started to count down, "Steady… ready… GO!"

I dashed into the forest, along with Sasuke and Naruto who were following me.

When I turned around I heard them growling at each other.

"Err… I'm almost afraid to ask, but what's got your panties in a bundle?"

"Teme thinks it will be you and him getting the bells, but it will be you and I who get the bells, Dattebayo!"

"Pfhh, like you could get a bell."

"What did you say!?" Naruto growled, "I'm the one whose prank caught Kakashi-sensei yesterday, not yours!"

"It was a fault prank!"

"It still caught him!"

"And made Tsuru faint!"

I facepalmed, both mentally and physically.

"I have a better idea," I started in a deadpan tone, "Why don't the three of us work together and figure out how to split the bells after we actually have them?" Seeing their looks at that I muttered, "Sometimes I doubt your intelligence."

The two ignored me.

"So, Tsuru, what's your plan?" Sasuke asked me.

"Naruto, how good is your Kawarimi?" I asked him.

"Err, what'd you mean?" He knew that I knew he could do a sealless and near-smokeless Kawarimi.

"Actually, nevermind. Can you make two Kage Bunshin the size of the bells?"

Naruto seemed to understand what my plan was, though Sasuke didn't.

Seriously, Kawarimi could be a completely overpowered jutsu. Unlike Shunshin, it's truly instant, and if you have Shadow Clones it's really overpowered.

Thankfully I'm a Senju and could probably make more than a couple Kage Bunshin myself. Once I learned the Jutsu, that is.

Making the hand seal for the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, two Kage Bunshins the size of a strawberry appeared, one on each of Original Naruto's ears.

I smirked, "Naruto, Sasuke, you distract Kakashi, Mini-Kage Bunshin Naruto 1 and Mini-Kage Bunshin Naruto 2, come with me," I extended my arm, and the two Naruto Clones jumped onto it and hid in my sleeve.

.

.

.

As Kakashi beat up Naruto and Sasuke, I appeared around 20 meters away from Kakashi in a Shunshin.

Kakashi seemed momentarily surprised by my appearance, not expecting a newly graduated academy student to know the Shunshin no Jutsu.

"Now!" I shouted. Immediately after I shouted I felt the two clones disappear from my sleeve.

I then grabbed the two bells from my sleeve and showed them to Sensei.

He gave me a deadpan look at he looked at his waist, only to see the bells actually gone.

He gave me a stunned look.

I gave him an exaggeratedly arrogant smirk, and with fake haughtiness, I said, "I'm a genius above even the Nara, stealing the bells without you -an elite A-Class Jonin- noticing was child's play."

He gave me the stink eye.

I sighed, "Fine. There were two tiny Kage Bunshin hidden up my sleeve and they both used a Kawarimi no Jutsu." He nodded. While innovative, if there were more people with Uzumaki or Senju chakra reserves it'd probably be a common trick. As it is, not many people bothered to get innovative with the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, seeing as the Chakra required often caused the cost to outweigh the reward.

"So, you've passed. Who else will you bring along?" Kakashi asked. Did he not do any research on us? Seriously.

"Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun, here," I tossed them each a bell.

"What! Tsuru-chan! If you're not with me I don't want a bell!" He tossed me my bell back.

"Any genin in the current batch other than you, Tsuru, would just hold me back. I'll take my chances with the next batch of genin," Sasuke tossed his bell to Naruto.

Kakashi shunshined right into my face, "YOU… PASS!"

Shoving my fingers into my ears, I growled, "Just me, Naruto and I, or all three of us?"

"All there!"

"What!? Why?" Naruto asked, confused.

"You are a team! Yes, it's necessary to have individual skills, but what is more important now is teamwork. If you go off on your own and do your own thing, you might as well kill yourself then and there,"

Each of us nodded in understanding.

"As my new team, there is something I have to show you," Kakashi gestured towards a stone marker, "Look at the marker… all the names carved in the stone. Heroes of the village. Ninja. Both Shinobi and Kunoichi. But the ones listed here aren't just any ninja. They're the dead kind. The ones who died the line of duty. This is a memorial. It includes the names of my best friends."

I gave a small nod of acknowledgment, "I'll go there when I die. I refuse to die in a hospital bed or from old age."

Kakashi looked shocked, his eye widened. He probably didn't meat many children that would make such a declaration.

"Of course, not anytime soon. I won't die until I'm at least in my twenties."

"I'll also go there when I die! And Tsuru-chan! You can't die until after I do! And I plan to live until I'm older than Jiji!"

Before I could respond, Sasuke also nodded, "Hn," It translated approximately to 'Me too."

Kakashi chuckled to himself, "Like good little ninja, you see underneath the underneath. See's hidden meanings within hidden meanings," He then sighed, "Remember this. Those who violate the rules and fail to follow orders are lower than garbage. However… those who do not care for and support their fellows… Are even lower than that."

Naruto was looking at Kakashi in awe. Sasuke looked like he was newly appraising our Jounin sensei. I looked at him in approvement.

"That's all for today Team Seven, your duties will commence tomorrow!" Sensei said while giving us a thumbs up. Well, kinda thumbs up. It was slanted and diagonal. "Naruto, Sasuke, you're dismissed. I have to talk to Tsuru-chan here, just a couple quick questions."

The two nodded and left.

"So, Tsuru-chan, I've heard you have a Sharingan eye, yet you have both eyes uncovered. Even more, one eye is brown, the other black instead of red."

Ahh, I should have expected that.

"My Sharingan is deactivated."

"Ahh, but implanted Sharingan can't be deactivated."

"I don't… I don't know why I can deactivate my Sharingan," I had several guesses, including the adaptability of my brain given to me by the Blessing of the Child, the control of my mind given to me by the Blessing of the Mind Fortress, my Senju and Uzumaki ancestry, or, "I might possibly have Uchiha ancestry?" My father might have been part Uchiha. I doubt it, but it's still possible.

Kakashi looked slightly let down. He probably hoped I'd be able to tell him how to deactivate his Sharingan.

"Would you mind taking a blood test? To check if you have any clan ancestry?" Kakashi asked and my whole body tensed.

"Pl- N-" I stuttered, "Please, j-just wait a couple months. Maybe six or seven? Just so I can prepare myself?"

Kakashi looked slightly taken aback, though he hid it well. I probably looked very vulnerable at the time. "Sure, no problem. But if you wouldn't mind telling me, you already know who your parents are, don't you?"

If possible, I tensed further, "I- I have some ideas."

He patted me on the head and messed up my hair slightly. I think he realized why I hated people who abandon their family so much.

Chapter 3 End

第3章終わり

-x-=X=-x-


	6. Omake 1

Omake

オマケ

-x-=X=-x-

 **Tsuru's Nightmare**

" _Tsuru-san, I'll now be taking a sample of your blood," A nurse stated. After taking the sample she left the room to compare the DNA to the records of clans and other famous Shinobi._

 _A few minutes later shouts of, "Hokage-sama!" Could be heard in the hallways._

 _Shortly after the Hokage was standing in front of me, a grave look on his face._

" _Tsuru-chan, you knew you were the daughter of my two students, Tsunade and Jiraiya?" The old man asked._

" _Sadly," A answered bitterly, "Tsunade-_ sama," _She spat the honorific, "Abandoned me, and Jiraiya-sama probably doesn't even know I exist."_

 _The Hokage nodded, "I'm afraid I have no choice but to have you trained to be my successor," I nodded in understanding, all the while possible candidates coming to mind, most dismissed as too weak, "You'll be apprenticed under Danzo-"_

" _No! Anyone but him!" I shouted, terrified._

" _Oh? What about Jiraiya and Tsunade? I'm sure they'd be positively delighted to teach their child!"_

 **Dream End**

"NOOOO!" Tsuru screamed as she woke up, sweating. "Oh, it was just a nightmare. Thank Kami-sama."


	7. Chapter 4 - Off to Wave Country

Chapter 4 - Off to Wave Country

第4章 - 波の国へ

-x-=X=-x-

After we passed our Genin exam, Team Seven's schedule has been something like this…

Come to Training Ground 7 at 8 A.M.

Train together for three hours.

Kakashi-sensei arrives.

We do one D-rank without Kage Bunshin, and two to three with so we can support ourselves.

If we ask Kakashi will help us train for an hour or two.

Personal training, dinner, or sleep, depending on how late it is.

After a particularly irritating mission where our directive was to capture Tora and return him to the Daimyo's wife, Lady Shijimi, I knew it was time to get our C-Rank to wave.

"Hokage-sama," I started, "All three of us are Chunin level ninja, if not in rank. Could we possibly get a mission befitting of our strength and skill?"

Iruka, who was doing paperwork for the Hokage, sighed, "They have a point. Tsuru alone could defeat me in a fight, back before she graduated. So unless they've gotten worse, a simple C-Rank shouldn't be a problem."

"Very well. Since you put it that way… I will permit you to attempt a C-Grade task - Usually reserved for Shinobi of the Chunin level… The protection of a certain individual," The Hokage agreed.

"All right!" Naruto shouted, pumping his fist into the air, "Who is it? A Daimyo? No, the Daimyo? Or maybe a foreign princess?"

The more things change, the more they stay the same. If asked by someone who knew my secret (which as of yet was no one) I'd swear I'd heard this conversation before, if slightly changed.

The Hokage smiled slightly in amusement, "Compose yourselves. I'll perform the introductions straight away. Please invite him in…"

The doors opened and a drunk old man stepped in.

"What's going on in here?" The drunk asked, "They look like a bunch of wet-nosed brats. Especially the midget. He's dressed like an imbecile," Yes, despite all my trying, I couldn't get him to wear anything that wasn't mostly orange. So he was wearing orange ninja clothing. "It's a joke, right? You kids aren't really ninja, are you?"

Naruto, much more mature than he was in the manga, just scowled at him.

"I'm Tazuna, a bridge builder of super renown until I'm safe back in my own country, where I'll be completing my next bridge, you'll all be expected to protect me… even if it costs you your lives!" Well if that wasn't obvious (to a Ninja) I don't know what is. I glanced at Kakashi and the Hokage, but they didn't seem to catch anything.

I really hope they're pretending. If not I'm surrounded by idiots.

I looked at Naruto, who didn't notice, and then Sasuke, who thankfully did seem to pick up on it, but hid it in favor of continuing the mission.

Oh, thank Kami-sama, at least someone has enough grey matter to see his slip up.

As I left to gather my supplies, my thoughts wandered to the upcoming mission.

.

.

.

I spotted the puddle I knew the Demon Brothers were hiding in.

"Sensei, we won't be fighting any ninja," I lightly nudged my two brothers as I said this word as if to warn them, "on this mission, right? I mean, it's only a C-rank."

"There's nothing to worry about. You won't have to fight any foreign ninja while handling C-Rank missions. The most we'll face is bandits."

After a short pause, I forced a blush onto my face and said, "I need to take a… bathroom break. In that puddle over there," It wasn't very subtle, but it'd be fun to joke about later. And it wasn't like I couldn't handle the Demon Brothers, even with my pants down.

Sensei looked somewhere between exasperated, deadpan, and amused. He patted me on the head, gave me an eye smile, and said, "Maa, go ahead."

As I moved towards the puddle, I remembered a Doton natured ninjutsu that I'd copied from a Chunin a couple years ago.

I turned away from the puddle and shouted, "Dump no Jutsu!"

The Earth under and around the puddle rose, encapsulating the two Chunin nuke-nin.

The earth was wet, smelly, and of soft consistency.

Yes, I copied a Jutsu that turned earth to dung. It's actually a useful Jutsu since it can disable users with a strong sense of smell.

Not that I think I'd ever use it against a serious opponent. There are other more practical ways of disabling opponents.

Naruto had a huge grin on his face, Sasuke looked somewhere between amused and disgusted, Sensei looked resigned, and Tazuna looked incredulous.

Capturing your opponents in dung is a rather surreal thing, even among Shinobi. To a civilian, it must look insane.

That didn't stop me from grinning at him.

"Your would-be assassins have been captured, Client-sama!" I curtsied dramatically.

.

.

.

After Sensei's short interrogation of the two nuke-nin (they were rather weak-minded. A simple Sharingan genjutsu from Sensei was all that was needed) told us who they were targeting.

"Tazuna-san, I need to speak with you. Our attackers are Chunins from Kirigakure no Sato, better known as the Bloody Mist. It is clear, from my interrogation, that they were after you. Hokage-sama gave us no word of this, and so I have no reason to believe this was expected. The mission request was only for protection against thieves and bandits. Not Nuke-nin. It's clear that this goes beyond a simple C-Rank-"

"Or even B-rank," I added, "As the Demon Brothers are noted to often work with high-level nin."

Sensei raised an eyebrow at me, and I showed him a Bingo Book I'd stolen from Mizuki when he was still a sensei.

"As it is," Sensei continued, "This task is far beyond the boundaries that we were assigned to. We're going b-"

"With all due respect, Sensei," I interrupted, "We're a group of three B-Rank ninja and a high A-Rank ninja. Unless we have to face multiple A-Rank ninja or an S-Rank ninja we'll be fine. As of yet, we've been given no reason to believe any more than a B or A-rank ninja, seeing as the Demon Brothers were C-Rank, or B-Rank during an ambush."

Sensei nodded, "Alright, we'll continue. But if we're given reason to suspect more than one A-Rank ninja we'll be heading back to the village."

"Kakashi-sama," Tazuna started, "I'll tell you everything." He then began to explain what Gato has done to his village and how he's making a bridge to stop him.

"If you all turn away from me now, I'm as good as dead. But… oh well, that's none of your concern! You won't be there to see my daughter and ten-year-old grandson cry all day like their hearts are breaking! Oh! And you won't mind if my daughter vows eternal hatred against all the ninja of your village as she lives her life alone! Heck! Well, it's not your fault."

A thought bubble appeared over all four of our heads, ' He's laying on the guilt a bit thick...'

"Maa, we already said we'd help."

Chapter 4 End

第4章終わり

-x-=X=-x-


	8. Chapter 5 - Kunai Measuring Contest

**[A/N: I do not own Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto and its characters, along with many direct quotes I'd taken from the manga. On the other hand, I own Senju Tsuru.]**

Chapter 5 - Kunai Measuring Contest

第5章ディック測定コンテスト

-x-=X=-x-

Shortly after we arrived in Nami no Kuni Naruto and I both felt a presence in the corner of our vision. Naruto threw a shuriken, while I threw a kunai.

Blood spurt out from the bush and a rabbit's corpse fell into view.

I subtly moved closer to the client, knowing what was coming next. As soon as I could sense Kubikiribocho I shouted, "Down!" Right before Sensei shouted, "Everyone! **Take cover!** "

As we all ducked for cover, I knocked Tazuna down as well. The Kubikiribocho flew over our heads, rotating in circles until it lodged itself in a tree. Odd, you'd think the Kubikiribocho would easily be able to cut through the tree with that throw. This isn't the forests surrounding Konoha after all, these trees aren't made from the Wood Release Kekkei Genkai.

When we looked up we saw Zabuza, his body facing away from us, staring at us from the corner of his left eye. If the situation had been less serious I'd likely have been staring at his bare muscular back.

I was a hormonal preteen girl, give me a break. At least I was more used to being attracted to girls so it was easier to think of something else. While my attraction to guys might be weaker, it was also harder to ignore.

Anyways, seeing Momochi Zabuza, seeing as the situation was very serious, I decided to crack a joke.

"You're wearing wrist and leg warmers, yet also no shirt. Make up your mind, are you cold or hot?" I scoffed. No one laughed. But it gave Sensei enough time to stand up right in front of me, his arm blocking me from engaging.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Momochi Zabuza, Demon of the Bloody Mist. A-Rank nuke-nin." He grabbed the left side of his headband, the side covering his left eye. His Sharingan eye.

A guttural voice answered in a contrastingly polite tone, "Kakashi of the Sharingan eye, I presume? If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you surrender the old man?"

Ignoring Zabuza's request, Kakashi shouted in what must have been the voice he used to command his ANBU troops, "Assume the Manji formation! Protect Tazuna-san! All of you, stay out of the fight. That's the type of teamwork this situation demands. Do **not** engage unless I am incapacitated or defeated," Then, to Zabuza, "And now, Zabuza," He lifted the headband, revealing the three tomoe Sharingan, "Shall we?"

"Ahh, to face the legendary Sharingan so early in our acquaintance. This **is** an honor." He then went into the talk about how when he was a Kirigakure assassin and had the regular bingo book, Kakashi was known for copying over 1,000 Jutsu.

When he was almost done explaining all this information we all (with the exception of Tazuna) already knew, I decided to interrupt, "I knew high-level Shinobi liked to have before battle dick measuring contests, sorry, I meant pre-battle banter, but this is insane. Sensei, you're literally just giving him time to gather the mist with his Jutsu while the Sharingan drains your Chakra! " While it wasn't too obvious, the moisture in the air was slowly increasing, which would make it that much easier to complete the Kirigakure no Jutsu | Hidden Mist Technique.

The battle from there went about the same as it did in the manga, with the exceptions that none of us succumbed to the Killing Intent, and that Naruto dodged the kick that Zabuza sent at him.

In the end, Naruto was still the one to think up a plan. The same plan, actually.

But Zabuza managed to dodge the Naruto-turned-shuriken's thrown kunai.

' Damn, I wanted to keep this Jutsu secret… but, looks like I don't have much of a choice,' I cursed, doing the hand seals.

"SUITON: BAKUSUI SHOHA NO JUTSU | WATER RELEASE: EXPLODING WATER COLLIDING WAVE!" Having thrown a quarter of my chakra into that attack, rather large waves of water were released from my mouth, swallowing Kakashi, Naruto, and of course, Zabuza whole.

When the water settled, Kakashi was released, and Naruto still alive.

From there on the battle went pretty similarly, if not in the minor details, in the bigger ones like the Jutsu used, Kakashi making Zabuza think he could see the future, and Haku sending senbon through Zabuza's neck and sending him into a temporary state of death.

"Heh heh, your prediction came true. 3" A lanky Oinin | Hunter-nin giggled. While he definitely looked male, if his body and stance were anything to go by, he certainly acted female. His age looked to be around 14 or 15.

Sensei went up to the body and checked for a pulse, and finding none he turned to the Oinin.

He, the Oinin, continued to speak, bowing his head slightly, "Thank you for your help. I hope you don't mind my interfering, but I wanted the satisfaction of putting Zabuza out of his misery myself."

Kakashi nodded. No need to ask Haku if he was a Kirigakure Oinin since we likely already knew. We did, I'd make sure to teach them about the five shinobi villages and the commonly known (among ninja) corps that they had.

"Hey! What's going on! This guy's hardly older than us, and he managed to defeat Zabuza like it was nothing! He wasn't exactly a pushover!" Naruto shouted, "Do we suck or something?"

I sighed. I could understand his anger, but I also knew it was unfounded and completely stupid. Zabuza was distracted and weakened. Haku was at full strength.

"Oh. You have my sympathy. I see where a thing like that could be hard to accept. But it's a fact that you'll have to live with. This probably won't be the last time we'll run into someone younger than you… but stronger than me."

I send Sensei a disbelieving look, "Sensei, you're a high A-Rank Shinobi. Are you saying there are Kage class ten-year-olds running about?"

He sweatdropped, "I may have been exaggerating, but there are people stronger than me, yet younger."

The name Itachi was present among the minds of all three genin in squad Seven.

Haku leaped down to Zabuza and wrapped his arm around his body, "Your battle is over, for now," Did he just admit that Zabuza would come back? "And the remains must be disposed of… lest they give up secrets to our foes. Well then, I must be off." He used Shunshin no Jutsu to rush off.

Sensei covered his left eye and sat down, tired. When I activated my Sharingan (there was no reason to use it earlier, as I hardly fought) I noticed that his reserves, while not empty, were nearly depleted.

"Naruto, form four Kage Bunshin to help Sensei along. He needs to rest up to prepare for the rematch. Zabuza isn't dead, and that wasn't an Oinin."

-x-=X=-x-

Chapter 5 - End

第5章終わり

 **[A/N: If you hadn't read Naruto this would be a cliffhanger! As it is, all of you either already knew that or were very confused! On another note, I'm putting up a poll to see if I should replace the Adventure or Family genre with humor. While I hadn't originally planned it, Tsuru seems to mock everyone other than Naruto and Sasuke. While only one side of her personality, it does seem to have made up most of the story so far.**

 **Also, starting next chapter, or possibly the one after that, there will be changes in the story from Canon. If you've read past author notes then you'll know one of the changes.**

 **Lastly, starting Tuesday, I probably won't have daily updates. I will try to update at least once a week though. I want to finish the Chunin exams by summer vacation. Which should be easy if I start doing more than two or three manga chapters per chapter.]**


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